Earlier this week, I had this cognition where I realized I’m a writer. It was a funny thing because I’ve written, on and off, for nine years with a long hiatus. I’ve been writing more since 2019, after rekindling it with the NaNoWriMo that year, and since then, I’ve committed to being consistent. There was this serene moment where I realized I am a writer.
But why was this the moment it happened?
I don’t know. Maybe some mechanism in my mind finally oriented itself and connected and completed the metaphorical circuit. It could have stemmed from how I noticed that I’ve been consistent at taking writing on a more professional level versus “something to do after work” mentality. Although, there’s nothing wrong with the fact that it is something I do after work. However, it’s not something to keep me occupied until I go home or way to ignore watching television. Not at all.
My interest in writing is I want to create stories to share with others out there, somewhere. It’s the purpose and significance I’ve assigned to the activity. I can remember far back to the ancient time of the 1990s where I’d create stories in my head. I’d come up with these “What If” scenarios on existing intellectual properties. Or I randomly think about what would happen if a monster terrorizing a school, but the kids see it as a benefit to get out of class and not as a threat.
With all these ideas and concepts swirling around my head, I never thought to sit down and write them out. Knowing me as a child and as a teenager, I could tell you I was more interested in playing video games. Often, I used to treat any scenario where I have to put a pencil or a pen to paper as a burden or an effort. I had no interest in it. None whatsoever! Write on paper while trying to think or turn off my brain and play video games. I think I’d rather the latter on that one!
I’m sure this was a classic association that a pen/pencil to a paper is school work, and I had an aversion to homework.
Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy playing video games, but it’s much more regulated that I’m not missing out on an opportunity.
It’s much easier today to know that if I want to write that I can make it happen. Really, I’m able to switch the gears, or the circuits, in my mind and change my viewpoint and my willingness to sit down and write.
First, it’s not a matter of obligation because I don’t do well with obligations (see when I had to do homework as a kid/teen). No, not anymore. Writing is a fun time activity where I can come up with this idea, exercise my imagination, get situations and characters in place, and write it out.
Second, I have much more of a purpose with it now, whereas before, I was aimless on why I even wrote in the first place. My first introduction to creative writing back in 2009 happened because I felt like I needed to do something after a major breakup. When I think about it, it seemed like I didn’t have a choice in the matter. Girl and I broke up, I was depressed, and a concept popped into my head. My thought was, “Eh, that’s a pretty good story. Maybe I’ll write it. What do I have to lose?”
Granted, this sparked the initial desire to become a writer. Upon reflection, it was almost not my entire idea as I was in college studying video game production, I wasn’t that great of a programmer, but maybe if I could be a good story writer, then I’d have a chance to make it somewhere. Plus, I never took a creative writing class to really learn how to write well.
This became a learned skill that I did on the fly, and my grammar wasn’t great. Although I tried to stay out of my head and not self-criticize, I’d often have complaints that my grammar or sentence structures were difficult to read. Hearing that caused upsets, and at some point, I wanted to revert back to not doing it in the first place.
After a long time, I’ve rekindled the real purpose of why I want to be a writer and how I had to almost rearrange how I think to a mindset where I write.
It’s great that in the present that I enjoy doing it. In a state where I can sit and write a blog post, or journal my Dungeons and Dragons campaign, or continue working on a novella project.
It was a journey to reach a point where I am much more comfortable sitting down, turning on my laptop, and willing to engage in something that I know I enjoy, telling a story or sharing my journey with others out there.
This is attributed to my original word goal of writing 500 words on a daily basis. I did it every day, and I wouldn’t beat myself if I missed a day or two, or even two weeks. What was important was the willingness to come back to it and create the habit. On a gradual line, I’ve increased the word goal to 750 a day or every time I write. That’s a better way of looking at it, at least 750 words every time I write. Let’s keep it that way.
Then there’s the fact that I’ve been reading a lot more books in the last few years. It’s a near corollary point that the more I read, the more I write. As I read more books, I practice a mindful exercise whereby I observe how the author describes a scene, a character, an emotion, and how they narrate the story. There was a time when reading was a chore, and that’s the total opposite today.
Also, I have to give thanks to On Writing by Stephen King and Are You Actually Going to Write a Book or Just Talk About It by Brandon Scott. These two books have motivated, inspired, and helped me to become a writer and blogger. Both books have changed me in a good way, and I’m grateful for it. I have this new viewpoint and motivation and this comfortability.
Thanks for reading. Cheers!
Still Foxes 